Lately I’ve been realizing that sometimes the things we want don’t always come in the exact packaging we had imaged. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life right now. From the simplest things like ordering something from ebay and receiving it only to find it doesn’t fit the description you had thought you ordered at all. But in other things like the way you imagine your future. I think I have these ideas in my head about what my life will be like or how the person I marry will be. As I go through life if something doesn’t fit the way I thought it would look or be, I disregard it and think “oh this isn’t for me”. Lately I’ve been challenged with the thought that maybe God is providing and opening these doors, they just don’t fit the exact mold or vision I had in my mind. Who am I to say that they are wrong just because they don’t meet “my standards” for myself. I wonder if that is what God is trying to show me. That he is meeting my needs and providing things and people in my life the way that I need them, but the way that HE sees them.
I’ve always had a good memory- from the time I was very young it’s something I could pride myself on. However, since graduating College I’ve noticed myself become very absent minded and forgetful. I joke to my students that it’s because I’m getting old, but I’ll literally forget something right after I said it. Yesterday during a much needed trip to Target, I did probably one of the most absent minded things I’ve ever done. A close second would be the time I walked into a gas station, paid for gas, got out to my car, and drove off without ever filling up. But what happened yesterday really takes the cake. I was strolling through the clothing section in Target and walked away from my cart for a brief second just so I could browse. I know this isn’t wise, but even though I’ve had things stolen from me a few times before, I’m still a very trusting person. Anyway, I got done browsing and grabbed what I thought was my cart and continued shopping in other sections of the store. After a very productive shopping spree, I took my merchandise to the front and once again left my cart for a second to look at some magazines. Not even 1 minute later I got back to my cart and realized my purse was gone. Not only my purse, but several items I had picked out. I instantly freaked out and thought to myself “Not again. This seriously can’t be happening to me”. I ran over to security and told them someone had stolen my purse from my cart. As I’m explaining this a random lady walks by and says “There’s a cart with a black purse in it just sitting in the middle of an aisle in the back of the store”. So of course we rush down there and much to my surprise, there sat my cart with my purse, wallet, cellphone…. everything unharmed. Turns out I had accidently taken the wrong cart and was walking around the store with it for a good 15 minutes without even realizing it wasn’t mine! Thank God there were some honest people in the store that day. Moral of the story: I’m losing my mind.
It’s interesting how a mere glimpse of hope can completely change your outlook on life even just for a moment. I was hanging out at Starbucks the other day looking at their wall of “classifieds” and I couldn’t help but be completely intrigued by the announcements of Choir’s or upcoming performances. “That could be me” was the thought that instantly entered my mind. Life is full of so many choices, I just want to embrace them all! I completely understand that stability is good but I want to live a life of excitement…. some days I think I want to go to make up school, other times I think I want to take up the guitar, then some days I think I want to be a star. Life is limitless and I’m in love with it!
It’s very rare that I get to sit in the confines of my room with nothing but a fan going, a candle burning, and Natasha Bedingfield playing in the background. But it’s a fantastic time to reflect, reconnect, and reorganize. This whole adult thing creeps up on me every once and a while, sometimes against my will and I am forced to swallow my pride, push away any hurt and see what I’ve done wrong. I still count on my fingers, I bite my nails, sometimes I’d rather get a pedicure than teach a class, I’ll be interested in a boy I know nothing will happen with, I spend money frivolously, I have a hard time holding my tongue… the list goes on and on. Those things all remind me of how much I need to grow up, but when I look at the faces of the students I teach, to them I already am a grown up. So it makes me think what kind of an example am I being? When I wake up and want to hit the snooze button, when I’m running late and haven’t gotten my coffee, when I lie awake all night thinking, I need to remember… those kids don’t know. All they need from me is a smile and a willingness to teach and invest in them. And then we’ll grow together :)
This week has seemed like a huge blur. I finally feel healthy, and with that, my spirit is back.
I gained another piece of my spirit on Sunday at the Brett Dennen and Jason Mraz concert. Their music speaks to my soul. I sat there in awe as I heard them talk about people, love for people, love for the world God created… “YES, THIS IS IT!” was the thought that kept entering my mind… it’s like they were saying everything I have been feeling for the past 3 years.
The Mosaic Project is this amazing organization that reaches out to kids and teaches them about love for people. LOVE FOR EVERYONE, regardless of what they look like and where they come from. I’d love to get involved in something like that, and I read about it and it’s definitely possible. Now if I could just come up with 6 free months.
God is good and right now I am realizing how blessed I am.
Today I am thankful for sweet relationships and friends who are willing to bring me dinner and medicine when I’m sick…. oh and of course PEACE.
Tonight I am thinking about peace. I often find myself using the word “peace” or proclaiming that I want “peace”, but I am beginning to wonder if it’s just become a noun, rather than a verb. I want to act out this peace I so boldly proclaim. How do you have peace yet stand up for what you believe? Is it peaceful to disagree? I guess I think of peace more as saying what you think and not being anxious, but loving others who are different in opinion or lifestyle.
PEACE
–noun
1.the normal, nonwarring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world.2.(often initial capital letter
) an agreement or treaty between warring or antagonistic nations, groups, etc., to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting or antagonism:the Peace of Ryswick.3.a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations: Try to live in peace with your neighbors.4.the normal freedom from civil commotion and violence of a community; public order and security: He was arrested for being drunk and disturbing the peace.5.cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension.6.freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity.7.a state of tranquillity or serenity: May he rest in peace.8.a state or condition conducive to, proceeding from, or characterized by tranquillity: the peace of a mountain resort.9.silence; stillness: The cawing of a crow broke the afternoon’s peace.10.(initial capital letter, italics) a comedy (421 b.c.) by Aristophanes.–interjection11.(used to express greeting or farewell or to request quietness or silence).–verb (used without object)12.Obsolete. to be or become silent.
—Idioms
13.at peace,a.in a state or relationship of nonbelligerence or concord; not at war.b.untroubled; tranquil; content.c.deceased.14.hold or keep one’s peace, to refrain from or cease speaking; keep silent: He told her to hold her peace until he had finished.15.keep the peace, to maintain order; cause to refrain from creating a disturbance: Several officers of the law were on hand to keep the peace.16.make one’s peace with, to become reconciled with: He repaired the fence he had broken and made his peace with the neighbor on whose property it stood.17.make peace, to ask for or arrange a cessation of hostilities or antagonism.Hmmmm…
Laying in bed, Throat Coat tea on the night stand, Pandora playing “Hillsong” music in the background. Something about this imagery reminds me of College and I absolutely love it! I forgot to say I was drinking out of a Christmas cup… :)
I’m sitting here trying to mentally prepare myself for the first day of work tomorrow. Willing myself to not say “I don’t want to go to work tomorrow” has been a difficult task. Then I think back to the one day I was on Campus last week leading worship and was greeted with huge outbursts of cheers and applause as I graced the stage. A girl could get used to that. So I guess I need to keep remembering how blessed I am to have this job, and to get to influence the lives of children who, for some reason, think I am cool enough to cheer.
Quick recap on the summer:
- Moved out
- Traveled to Seattle and Las Vegas
- Had a great spa day at Glen Ivy
- Directed a show
-Performed in a show
- Made wonderful friendships
- Worked at CAT Camp
- Laughed at many late night outtings
- Went wine tasting
Life is good :)
This morning I stood in the back of the Chapel and watched several students perform their speeches for the big Speech Meet tomorrow. The first kid that performed, recited a very entertaining parable. The whole time he was speaking, I was thoroughly impressed with the expression and delivery this 2nd grader was giving. However, there was one moment in the performance that he paused, forgetting his words. He made a quick recovery and continued on. How impressive! Well, this 2nd grader didn’t think so. He ran off stage and into his mother’s arms sobbing as soon as he was done.
What I realized at this moment is, from a very young age we are aware of our faults and become our own critics. Kids are not oblivious, they get a lot. I was amazed that a kid this young age was able to perceive, that although impressive, his performance was not “perfect”.
Sometimes I think being a Teacher is only a title, because I learn from these little guys every day.
I need blogging lessons. Thoughts for when I grow up: Do I want to be a Benz driving mom, who drops her kids off at school and then goes and gets pedicures with friends, and then returns home in the evenings to a rich husband? OR do I want to be a bachelorette who spends countless hours working on projects and working with kids and hoping somehow I will impact the world?? They both sound good sometimes. How about the last one, and just throw in the Benz for looks?
Things to look forward to:
May 16th- Sis grad
May 20th- My Bday
May 22nd- Peter Pan opening night
May 24th- Taylor Swift
June 4th- Godspell
June 6th- Aladdin auditions
June 10th- last day of work!!!!
June 11th- Seattle.
Hmmmm isn’t that lovely?!
